Inmate Seeking Kosher Meals Cites Festivus

A convicted drug dealer cited his belief in the fictitious Festivus in order to get better meals in prison—amazingly, he won.

Inmate Seeking Kosher Meals Cites Festivus

Malcolm Alarmo King, 38, disliked the salami meals served at the jail so he cooked up a story that he strictly followed Festivus and because so had to eat kosher. California sheriff’s officials reserve kosher meals for inmates with a religious need. King apparently wanted to stay fit and didn’t think gobbling up three helpings of grade B salami would mesh well with his P90X workout.

Festivus, also called Festivus for the rest of us, is a fictitious holiday which was depicted on “Seinfeld” and celebrated with the airing of grievances and the display of an aluminum pole, plus feats of strength—the latter of which could have been King’s argument. Keeping kosher is not a part of Festivus.

Judge Derek G. Johnson demanded a religious reason for King to receive kosher meals. Defense attorney Fred Thiagarajah cited his client’s devotion to Festivus—amazingly the Judge obliged. A Seinfeld fan, perhaps?

King received kosher meals for two months until the county got the order thrown out in court.

Can’t blame the guy for wanting to stay fit, though King probably could have taken the less imaginative route and just claimed he was a strict Jew.