Follow Ashton Kutcher to Freedom!
Scared that the end of days is quickly approaching? Have no fear, Ashton Kutcher owns a bunch of guns and is training to protect us all. So you totally don’t have anything to worry about.
Ashton Kutcher has built a rather successful career on being a male bimbo, a mimbo in Seinfeldian lingo. Most of his film roles involve him portraying a dim-witted, good-looking guy with a heart of gold; or perhaps a smug, good-looking guy; sometimes even a man-whore—the guy’s got range.
He’s carved out a nice slice of Hollywood, he married the chick from “Striptease,” and stars as a smug, good-looking celebrity in about 42 Nikon camera commercials. One might say the former biochemical engineering student from Iowa has overachieved. Others might call him a lucky bastard. But Kutcher isn’t one to rest on his laurels, because he’s too busy learning Muay Thai and preparing for the Apocalypse.
According to an interview with Men’s Health magazine, Kutcher frequently laments over our society’s dependence on electricity and our lack of road map-related knowledge. He practices Muay Thai to protect his family and loved-ones in times of crisis, and always keeps some guns handy for when the power goes out.
What this has to do with men’s health, I’m not totally sure. However we should be a little concerned that Kutcher most-likely considers Roland Emmerich movies to be instructional videos.
“It will not take much for people to hit the panic button. The amount of convenience that people rely on based on electricity alone. You start taking out electricity and satellites, and people are going to lose their noodle… And people are going to go, ‘That land’s not yours, prove that it’s yours,’ and the only thing you have to prove it’s yours is on an electronic file… People’s alarm systems at their homes will no longer work, neither will our heating, our garbage disposals, hot-water heaters that run on gas but depend on electricity… What happens when all our modern conveniences fail? I’m going to be ready to take myself and my family to a safe place where they don’t have to worry… All of my physical fitness regimen is completely tailored around the end… I stay fit for no other reason than to save the people I care about.” SFGate.com via Vulture
Yes, the same actor who is best known for playing a dumb stoner on “That 70’s Show” and a even dumber stoner in the film “Dude Where’s My Car?” is preparing to be a our savior when the end of the world approaches.
Hopefully he’s using his wife’s ex-hubby’s (Bruce Willis) films as serious training videos. Because I’m a firm believer that to be an adequate leader in a post-apocalyptic world you must know how to swiftly kill a man with a pen, a la Willis in “The Last Boy Scout.”
And I bet they don’t teach that in Muay Thai class.