So, by now I’m assuming everyone has heard about the weirdo NYPD cop who was caught plotting to kill and eat a lady over the internet, right? Well, before you get the same urge I did to attempt to find out exactly how people might meet fellow cannibals over the internet (which is a really bad idea, trust me.), check out this list of some of the weirdest and most grotesque incidents of cannibalism ever. Which will not include Jeffrey Dahmer, because we all know all the things about Jeffrey Dahmer already. And we all know about Ed Gein and Issei Sagawa and The Donner Party and Albert Fish and Andrei Chikatilo and all the other cannibals who regularly haunt my nightmares/served as the basis for Hannibal Lector.

The Mauerova Family

Think the Manson Family is weird? They got nothing on this family of Grail Movement cult members from the Czech Republic. Mommy Klara, her sister Katerina and another woman named Barbara Sklova kept her two sons chained in the basement, tortured them on a daily basis, skinned one of them alive and ate his flesh and forced him to eat it as well. The bizarre activities of the family were only exposed when a neighbor with the same baby monitor they had got some wires crossed and saw the video footage of the boys being abused. The women claimed to be getting daily instructions on how to abuse the children from a mysterious man known only as “The Doctor”, who has never been identified.

The Ripper Crew

In the way early ’80s, before all that Satanic Panic stuff was even a thing, a Satanic cult/gang called The Ripper Crew, led by Robin Gecht (who once worked for Gacy) roamed the Chicagoland area looking for prostitutes to kill and eat. In total, they killed 18 women. And, um, after murdering them, they would cut off their breasts, masturbate into them, and then eat them. Which kind of makes me want to die and also makes me slightly grateful that all I’m dealing with on my block are the Latin Kings. Trivia note: Ripper Crew member Andrew Kokoraleis was the last man to be executed in Illinois, 12 years before Governor Pat Quinn officially abolished the death penalty.

Anthony Morely

Anthony Morely was a British model who was the first man to become “Mr. Gay UK” in 1993, and subsequently appeared on television programme “God’s Gift”, where he won a date with audience member and previous contestant Damian Oldfield. Instead of the long walk on the beach usually promised by dating show contestants, Morely decided to just do dinner instead. A dinner which consisted of Mr. Oldfields leg, which he cooked in a stew after murdering him.

Peter Stumpp, The Werewolf of Bedburg

No, really. This guy claimed to be an actual werewolf and was tried as such in 16th century Germany. Unlike Oz from Buffy, he said that he had brought this condition upon himself, when, at age 12 he petitioned Satan for a magical girdle to turn him into “the likeness of a greedy, devouring wolf, strong and mighty, with eyes great and large, which in the night sparkled like fire, a mouth great and wide, with most sharp and cruel teeth, a huge body, and mighty paws.” He confessed to killing and eating 14 people whilst in his werewolf form, to copulating with a succubus, and also to an incestuous relationship with his daughter and a cousin. His execution is probably one of the most terrifying in history, and involved a lot of red-hot pincers and his flesh being torn off in pieces. His daughter and cousin were also brutally executed, and were “flayed, raped and strangled” and then burned along with Stumpps body.

Sweet dreams tonight, you!