Last week, the White House turned down a petition on Whitehouse.Gov asking the government to build a Death Star. Their reason: “Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?”
The petition brought up two incredibly important points. One, the threshold for getting the White House to respond to a petition is way too low. Seriously. Maybe 25,000 signatures seemed like a lot in the eighties or something but nowadays you can get 25,000 signatures on just about anything. Let’s erect a statue of Mayor McCheese on the White House lawn. You want 25,000 signatures? I can get you 25,000 signatures. Believe me. There are ways, you don’t want to know about them but I can get you 25,000 signatures by 3 o’clock this afternoon.
The other point: We’re not getting lightsabers anytime soon and demand in the jetpack market is weak, weak, weak. So are we perennially out of luck for Star Wars science coming to life? No, we’re not. And you can thank our criminally overfunded nerd patrol, NASA, for that.
What does a government agency about space that no longer goes to space do with its time? They make floating droids, like the ones Darth Maul used to track Anakin Skywalker on Tattoine or Luke used for lightsaber practice on the Millenium Falcon. They’re called SPHERES (Synchronized Position Hold, Engage, Reorient, Experimental Satellites, duh!) and they’re so rad. Check out the video below to see them in action.
Christmas 2015—you know what I want, guys.