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Nailing Sarah Palin: My XXX lessons in politics

Apr 1, 2013

In October of 2008, the legendary Nina Hartley was the first person who told me I looked just like Sarah Palin and should play her in a porn parody. At the time she mentioned it, I didn’t know too much about her. I was busy running my own talent agency and still shooting myself, but soon enough it would be hard for anyone to avoid the Alaska governor. She was everywhere.

Because of that, I started to hear from people constantly how much I looked like this woman. So, when I got a call from Hustler telling me they wanted to shoot a movie called “Who’s Nailin’ Paylin?” with me in the starring role, I said yes right away. My career was growing due to the boom in the MILF genre, and since I had just returned to shooting adult films after a five-year hiatus I knew doing something controversial for Hustler would be huge for my career. What I didn’t know was just how huge.

Hustler announced the film’s production to the press on Halloween, and news spread like wildfire. We had to shoot fast before the other adult companies put out their own versions. I recorded the vice presidential debate to study her mannerisms, her voice and her look. I loved her black shiny suit and false eyelashes, and I found her overall demeanor riveting. I shopped for the right suits online. Finding them in my size and available to ship in 24 hours wasn’t easy, but you’ll never hear me complain about shopping, especially online shopping. It’s the same kind of high I imagine people get from online dating; you know the hunting, the choosing and the exquisite anticipation of finally getting the goods in your hands. So I ordered the suits, and I sewed and tailored them myself. (Yes, I own and operate a sewing machine, one of the lovely things I learned as a young girl growing up in Pennsylvania.)

My office looked like a sweatshop for executive hookers, but I knew one thing about Larry Flynt: He loves legs, so he would want these skirts short. I am not embarrassed to say I spent more money on my wardrobe for “Who’s Nailin’ Paylin?” than I made making the entire series, but it was worth it. When I put on those suits, I felt like a superhero.

The first “Nailin’ Paylin” had an old school director who believed in having food on set for talent and discussing scenes beforehand. We had some great conversations, and he realized this movie was going to be nothing like anything we had ever experienced. When I arrived, I was blown away by the amount of mainstream media on the set, from TMZ to “Entertainment Tonight.” I was most excited for the sex scenes, assuming this type of press had never seen one up close and personal on a small set before. There was a ton of dialogue for a porn flick and three full sex scenes for me. I had one scene with two Russians (since we all know Palin could see Russia from her back yard). I had a sex scene with a man playing her husband, Todd. I had an all-girl three-way sex scene with Hartley (who played Hillary Clinton) and Jada Fire (Condoleezza Rice). We shot the movie in two days. After we were done, my life was a blur.

lisaann flag Nailing Sarah Palin: My XXX lessons in politics
I spent more money on my wardrobe than I made making the entire series, but it was worth it.

I made six movies in total: “Who’s Nailin’ Paylin?”, “Who’s Nailin’ Paylin Two”, “Obama’s Nailin Paylin”, “Letterman’s Nailin’ Paylin”, “Hollywood’s Nailin’ Paylin” and “You’re Nailin’ Paylin.” We shot “Obama’s Nailin’ Paylin” knowing he would win the 2012 election. There was a guy in the business who somewhat resembled him. We shot it at a ranch in The Canyons, and there was going to be horseback riding. The premise was Paylin would be riding off into the sunset with Obama. Sounds simple, sure, but there were problems. They wanted us to ride the horse on the side of this big cliff, which was scary enough, but Obama was afraid of the horse — which made me more nervous since he was going to be in charge of the reigns.

I was asked to be on the back of the horse, not on the saddle. We get on the horse, ready to start the scene, the director screams and the horse totally takes off. I was scared shitless and thought we were going off the cliff. This did not lead to an easy sex scene, and I can’t blame the guy at all — any man would struggle to get hard 30 minutes after a near-death experience. Also, it’s a little distracting to have sex on a bale of hay next to a shitting horse that kept trying to eat during the entire scene.

As soon as The Palin Effect kicked in, my dance agents and other productions companies started calling. More work coming was to me than there were hours in the day. Sarah Palin was a constant back then, and it showed in my crazy, hectic life – and paychecks. It was intense, but at the same time I was grateful thinking, Wow, at my age I am getting this strong run and can build a stronger financial future. For that alone, I will always love Sarah Palin.

She even carried over into my feature dancing career. One night at a strip club in Bristol, Connecticut, the owner came to my dressing room looking rather disappointed at my sexy cop outfit. “Is that what you’re wearing on stage?” he asked. “What about dressing as Palin?” I hadn’t considered packing suits for the road. It never dawned on me that people would want to see me feature-dance as Sarah Palin. The owner wouldn’t stop scowling, so the next day he had one of his underlings drive me to the mall to buy some suits and hit the stage dressed as this nutty political figure. I had my hair up, put the glasses on and, when I hit the stage, I distinctly remember thinking, This shit is going to run my life as I know it.

I realized this is what people want from me and learned to better prepare myself for the future. Clubs began insisting I do Palin for every show. It was boring me to death. I was over being told what to do. I put my Palin suits on top of my other costumes instead. It sounds ridiculous, but I was determined to change things up. I would go out and do the first dance as Palin. I would strip out of the suit and have my other costume on underneath, so it would be Palin/Bondage, Palin/School Girl, Palin/Cop – different themes, you get the picture. I was getting offers for appearances all over the world. It was interesting to see how the same people who knew me pre-Palin Effect treated me now that I had become a cash cow. People treated me like a puppet that would dress and act like the governor on demand.

lisaann RNC Nailing Sarah Palin: My XXX lessons in politics
Clubs began insisting I do Palin for every show. It was boring me to death. I was over being told what to do.

Over time, it became fun again to take the Palin show on the road. The RNC was awesome. One of the memorable moments while staying in Tampa that weekend was having snipers on the hotel rooftops. Cops and military were everywhere. It kind of made me feel like Palin for real. The club was a blast, too. I did a press conference there while it was closed on Saturday afternoon.

The biggest kick of The Palin Experience was around the spring of 2009 when I got a call from the production manager for Eminem’s video “We Made You.” It was a pretty big hit that lead me into even greener pastures. I was already a huge fan, and so playing Sarah Palin for Eminem was a once in a lifetime experience for me. I still feel the excitement when I hear the song, and Eminem was even sexier in person with a tremendous work ethic.

And, no, we never had sex. Everyone always asks me that. The day after I shot my scene, I was asked to come back and hang out on set while they kept shooting. I said no because I was between shoots and trips and needed to pack and unpack. This is what a zero I am. It’s more important for me to get organized than to be cool and hang out with even cooler people.

The video happened around the time I was getting a little break from being Sarah Palin. I started to like the control I was getting for myself again. Now that it’s back to being my choice when I do it, I find it fun again. I’m inspired by that enough to do the show. As far as the governor herself, I have never heard from the Palin Camp. I do know she is aware of me, as many people have asked her about the “Nailin’ Paylin?” series during interviews. She always cracks a smile and passes on the question.

You can follow Lisa Ann on Twitter and at her website www.thelisaann.com.


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