teenexorcists

These Arizona teenagers are gonna exorcise Britain of all the evil Harry Potter demons

Sep 10, 2013

Oh man, Merica. Why must we always embarrass ourselves in front of all the cool countries?

This Friday, BBC3 is set to air a documentary about three frighteningly sincere teen girl exorcists from Arizona who traveled to Great Britain in order to purge the country of all the evil brought about by the Harry Potter books. Tess Scherkenback, Brynne Larson, and Savannah Scherkenback all believe that the spells used in the books are “real spells” from real witchcraft books, that they seem to have made up entirely on their own. It is possible that they are, in fact, presently under the influence of a “Confundus” charm.

The girls also believe that sluts are a primary cause of demonic possession, and that there is such a thing as “sexually transmitted demons.”

Brynne’s father, Bob Larson, is also a professional exorcist, who claims to have cast out over 15,000 demons in his career, and charges $200 a pop for his demon extermination services. I suppose this is where the difference lies between Protestants and Catholics, as I do not recall Father Damian charging Linda Blair’s mom for his services in “The Exorcist.”

At the end of the doc, with the assistance of their father, the girls full-on exorcise a demon from a former Anglican pastor, which is probably going to be one of the most hilarious things that has ever been filmed, especially if they do the whole thing in the same “uptalk” they use in the video. I’m picturing something like Heidi Montag playing the role of Tangina in “Poltergeist!” Please, for the love of all that is holy, let this shit pop up on BBCAmerica or TLC in the near future.


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