Tony the Tiger is being harassed by horny furries on Twitter
It’s a case where online harassment meets animal abuse. Frosted Flakes’ irrepressible mascot Tony the Tiger is being relentlessly trolled on Twitter. And not just by your garden-variety internet trolls, either. He’s being harassed by furries.
Yes furries: Partakers in the cuddly stuffed-animal-on-stuffed-animal fetish that everyone loves to gently mock. While inexplicable to most, their kink is so innocent that it’s sort of lovable. They’re Bronies with conviction.
And apparently, if you’re a furry, Tony the Tiger is one hell of a sex symbol.
Furry Twitter’s lust for the striped, mostly nude pitchman is so insatiable that his tweets are met with indecent proposals and innuendo with surprising regularity.
And some of the come-ons are downright filthy.
Other responses show Twitter furries simply enamored with the barrel-chested, ultra-confident cereal tiger, albeit with threatening undertones.
Some just wanna see that tiger D.
According to my sources in the gay underworld (Wikipedia) Tony’s trademark red handkerchief is also hanky code for fisting. A fact which hasn’t gone completely unnoticed by the furry community or, as in the case below, papyrus-fuckers.
It’s not the first time Kellog’s Frosted Flakes and their bumptious mascot have been the target of clever trolls. Just recently an artist created a series of extremely dark fake ads for the sugary breakfast cereal that feature Tony encouraging cops while they beat up a civilian, helping an disillusioned sex worker get back on her knees, and inspiring terrorism.
Furries aside, the spate of Tony come-ons really makes you wonder about the secret erotic lives of company mascots. For example, is the Pillsbury Doughboy a bottom? (Surprisingly no!) Does the Jolly Green Giant enjoy over-the-leaf hand-jobs? (He does!)
But before we get too sympathetic to Tony let’s try and remember that beyond his human name and feline appearance he’s just a meaningless corporate symbol, coldly calculated to bully small children into scarfing down terrible food.
He doesn’t deserve our sympathy because he doesn’t have a soul.
In face we should apply this sort of vigorous trolling to all corporate mascots attempting to use social media to promote their bulging brands.
Just pick the sexiest mascot of the biggest corporation you can find and let your freak flag fly. Hell, you can extend the concept to all logos and brands.
Hey Mr. Clean…let’s rub our heads together 😉
Hey Nike swoosh…let’s just do it. 😉
Hey Arby’s hat…nom nom 😉
Hey Miss Chiquita Banana… let’s get dinner sometime and talk about our dreams.