Donald Trump says he’s ‘too much of a germaphobe’ to be into golden showers

On Wednesday, Donald Trump addressed a BuzzFeed story about an unverified report circulating in the intelligence community, one that alleges, among lots of other more important things, he’d paid Russian sex workers to pee on a hotel room bed President Obama had allegedly slept in as some sort of bizarre, retroactive diss. The president-elect at least had a decent response to the golden shower part: He’s way too much of a germaphobe to do a thing like that.

Speaking to reporters at his first press conference in 167 days, PEOTUS called the story a prime example of “fake news” disseminated by “sick people” who work for “a failing pile of garbage,” as well as “something that Nazi Germany would do.” In a seeming refutation of the piss tale, he added: “I’m also very much of a germaphobe, by the way. Believe me.”

Trump’s germaphobia is well documented by both journalists and himself. He’s slowly killing himself with fast food burgers — which he eats with a knife and fork — because he thinks McDonalds has high cleanliness standards. He doesn’t like to push the ground floor elevator button in his own building because it’s been touched by too many people. He’s loathe to shake hands with teachers because they’ve been “in touch” with too many “germy” kids. He regularly calls people he doesn’t like “disgusting,” because in his mind, nothing’s worse than being physically unclean. It seems Trump has caught the same billionaire brain bugs that afflicted Howard Hughes.

Of course, as with anything Trump, he has also denied as much, claiming to The Hollywood Reporter in August of 2015 that he will shake all the hands he needs to:

It’s said you are a germophobe. Will you kiss babies and shake hands on the trail?

“I’m not germophobic. I do it. I want to make the country great, I’m going to win, I think I have a very good chance of winning. You probably are starting to feel that, too. I go through and shake hands and do what I have to do, and people like me and I like them. In Iowa, I must have shaken 2,000 hands — and those were only the ones that were next to me.

Lies, all lies.

While many charges in the report seem possible, in this one, isolated instance, Trump has a good alibi. If he wants to take office January 20, he’d better hope he comes up with an equally good refutation for the rest of it.

[screenshot: BBC]