Steve Harvey does NOT want to talk to you

Shadow HUD Secretary Steve Harvey is moving his daytime talk show from Chicago to Los Angeles for its upcoming season, and with the relocation comes a new set of rules for when and how staff can and can’t address their boss. In short: Leave Harvey the fuck alone.

In an email sent to employees, Harvey made ruthlessly clear he does not want to talk to you in his dressing room, in his makeup chair, or in the studio hallway. Security will be guarding his dressing room to stop any unexpected visits. And whatever you do, don’t wait outside without an appointment. Everyone’s favorite “Family Feud” host does NOT like being ambushed.

Here’s the full list of rules, acquired by media reporter Robert Feder:

Good morning, everyone. Welcome back.

I’d like you all to review and adhere to the following notes and rules for Season 5 of my talk show.

There will be no meetings in my dressing room. No stopping by or popping in. NO ONE.

Do not come to my dressing room unless invited.

Do not open my dressing room door. IF YOU OPEN MY DOOR, EXPECT TO BE REMOVED.

My security team will stop everyone from standing at my door who have the intent to see or speak to me.

I want all the ambushing to stop now. That includes TV staff.

You must schedule an appointment.

I have been taken advantage of by my lenient policy in the past. This ends now. NO MORE.

Do not approach me while I’m in the makeup chair unless I ask to speak with you directly. Either knock or use the doorbell.

I am seeking more free time for me throughout the day.

Do not wait in any hallway to speak to me. I hate being ambushed. Please make an appointment.

I promise you I will not entertain you in the hallway, and do not attempt to walk with me.

If you’re reading this, yes, I mean you.

Everyone, do not take offense to the new way of doing business. It is for the good of my personal life and enjoyment.

Thank you all,

Steve Harvey

That, my friends, is how you inspire a team. Shun the minions with staccato sass, threaten violence, then thank them for their understanding. Print out Harvey’s email, frame it on your office door, and relish in your newfound success unblemished by the voices of other humans. Just don’t thank Harvey for the management advice because, as previously mentioned, he does NOT want to talk you.

In other news, Harvey is changing the name of his program from “The Steve Harvey Show” to “Steve,” which, according to the constitution, officially makes him the King of Steves. If your name is Steve and you’d like to protest, please direct all feedback to someone other than Harvey.

[photo: Getty]