Julian Assange vs. Randy Quaid: Who's More Likely to Get Assassinated?

Julian Assange vs. Randy Quaid: Who’s More Likely to Get Assassinated?

Nov 8, 2010

Randy Quaid and Julian Assange don’t have anything in common. Or do they…?

Picture 32 Julian Assange vs. Randy Quaid: Whos More Likely to Get Assassinated?

Randy Quaid and Julian Assange don’t seem to have much in common. Assange is the political Robin Hood who founded Wikileaks, and Randy Quaid is the beloved Hollywood actor from the “Vacation” series whose only notable public leak involved an RV’s septic system and the famous line, “shitter’s full”—a line which would immortalize his career, for better or worse.

But for all their differences, they do share some notable common ground: As 2010′s most famous paranoids, they are both on the run from their native countries, seeking political asylum abroad, and both convinced their lives are endangered by the bum end of an assassination plot.

Assange, originally Australian, has made enemies of many states, including his native one, with his Wikileaks operation. He recently sought asylum in Sweden but was booted from that country following allegations of sexual assault. Assange has has had computers confiscated, and The New York Times reported that he travels like a fugitive, frequently changing hair color and appearance to avoid being recognized by those who would do him harm.

Quaid recently retreated to Canada after he and wife Evi were arrested squatting in a house in Santa Barbara, of which they claim to be the actual owners. The Quaids sought political asylum in Canada, alleging that a “malignant tumor of Hollywood star whackers” they claim is secretly responsible for the deaths of Heath Ledger and David Carridine is also out to get them.

The Quaids’ case is truly sad in that they seem to be suffering from delusional paranoia. Assange’s case is terrifying because he is operating under the completely accurate precept that he is exactly the kind of guy governments kill. But hey, Daniel Ellstein leaked the Pentagon Papers, arguably as big a deal as Wikileaks, and they let him live.

The verdict? Randy Quaid, we think you’re safe from the “star whackers” for the time being. Julian Assange? Might wanna keep dyeing that hair.

Profiles in paranoia:

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