Will and Jaden Smith Attempt to Salvage M. Night Shyamalan’s Career
Thanks to Sony Pictures Entertainment and the first family of the summer blockbuster, M. Night Shyamalan still has a career.
M. Night Shyamalan jokes are to cinema what Donald Trump jokes are to politics, too fucking easy. Over the course of the past ten years Shyamalan has managed to squander every ounce of good faith and praise he gained from “The Sixth Sense” and quickly become the laughing stock of the industry.
His most recent film “The Last Airbender” was one of the worst reviewed films of the past decade, taking an adored Nickelodeon show and transforming it into jumbled trash – in 3D nonetheless.
It’s hard to remember the days when Shyamalan was considered arguably the “hottest” director in Hollywood. After directing “The Sixth Sense,” “Unbreakable,” and “Signs,” Shyamalan was prematurely being dubbed the modern master of suspense and the king of the twist ending. The entertainment industry was ready to anoint him the heir to Hitchcock. Today, speaking positively of the two directors in the same sentence might get you smited by the cinematic gods.
Within the span of four films, Shamalamadingdong became nothing more than an outdated “I see dead people joke. The director who once enticed audiences with the alluring “twist ending” transformed exciting plot twists into an exhausting gimmick. Intriguing trailers lead audiences to theaters in droves only to feel cheated by films like “The Village” or “The Happening.”
Shyamalan appeared to be teetering on the edge of becoming entirely irrelevant, until out of nowhere, he was given a casting gift from L. Ron Hubbard himself – Will and Jaden Smith.
According to reports from Entertainment Weekly, the two members of the Smith clan have signed on for Shyamalan’s next feature film tentatively referred to as 1000 A.E. Sony Pictures Entertainment describes the film as “set 1,000 years in the future, where a young boy navigates an abandoned and sometimes scary Earth to save himself and his estranged father after their ship crashes.”
Not only does the film include the Smith family, it’s set in the future, and probably deals with aliens, which we all know is the Fresh Prince’s bread and butter.
”The chance to make a scary, science-fiction film starring Jaden and Will is my dream project,” said Shyamalan.
Of course it’s his dream project, it’s the dream project of anyone who is completely drained of original ideas and creativity. He could write the most horrific script in the history of cinema and it’ll still be a blockbuster. Sony executives are having wet dreams about the box office dollars as we speak. Will Smith’s last eight live-action films has accounted for over $3.1 billion in box office dollars worldwide.
The undoubted success of this, most likely terrible, film will only inflate Shyamalan’s already ridiculously inflated ego. This will lead to a new generation moviegoers forking over $12 to see the amazing Shamy and his famous twist endings. Only to find out that “The Village” is simply a bunch of rich people living in squalor to escape the dangers of the real world.
Goddammit that movie sucked.