Western civilization has moved beyond arranged marriages, past blind dates with ugly friends of friends, and into the realm of online dating with random strangers. Get ready to find the man/woman of your dreams with a 91% compatibility rate.
Fact: New York is too big. This ain’t coming from the mouth of a country-bumpkin transplant. I was born and raised here, and I still get panic attacks in subway stations during rush hour.
You would think the most populous city in the United States equals “plenty of fish in the sea” when it comes to striking up relationships. But just because there are over eight million fishies doesn’t mean those fishies are going to bite. There are too many options out there, too many unknowns, and not enough social filters to understand what you want, let alone to find a person who wants what you want (and who also looks good).
Social filters is a great term I just made up. What I mean to say is that even if you live in a certain place, have a network of friends, whether from school or work or knitting class, it can be hard to break out into the dating scene. Usually you just wind up recycling love interests within your established circle.
And if you just moved somewhere, then you’re super screwed. You have no idea where to start. And even if people approach you, how do you know that they’re not ax murderers? They could be ax murderers. That’s a possibility. They could also have herpes.
So what’s a searching soul to do in such a big city? OkCupid!
Before you completely discredit me, let’s be democratic and have a listen, because I’ve had my fair share of good and bad online dating experience. Well, not really. I had one terrible experience in Boston, and now I have a date tonight. Boom.
Okay, lying isn’t the best way to start a relationship with an online stranger. Let me break it down for you with bullet points, because who doesn’t love the informative directness of bullet points:
- Before you start online dating, you should probably find an online dating site. I recommend OKCupid because it’s free, and you can spend the money you “saved” on boozing up your date. Everyone wins with OKCupid.
- Fill out your profile in the right mindset. Right after getting in a fight with your ex on the phone is not a good time to market yourself online. Nor would I recommend filling out a profile while high or drunk or after masturbating. Remember, you may be a train wreck, but no one has to know.
- Speaking of train wreck, pictures are crucial. Be modest, but don’t be shy. Any kind of nude is not recommended, unless you’re out for poon. And don’t just upload head shots. Show people you’ve got friends, you’ve got shit to do, heck, you don’t even need this website, you were just curious.
- Have fun, look around, take some silly quizzes and answer compatibility questions. Obviously this isn’t a window into your soul, but don’t create an account and then pretend like you’re above this nonsense.
- Message with people who strike your fancy. Use proper grammar and shy away from emoticons and lols.
- If someone tells you they’re just a big spoon looking for a little spoon, they’re fucking liars.
- When you achieve a successful back-and-forth with someone, meet up with them. The relationship starts in the real world, not with online messaging. Get to know the person in person, otherwise you run the risk of creating this perfect awkwardness—knowing everything about someone you’ve never met, and still not really knowing the person at all.
- Once you meet up…I have no clue. Wish me luck and I’ll let you know.