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Jon Stewart is sorely disappointed in Donald Trump’s endorsement of Mitt Romney (video)
February 3rd, 2012 by Matt Kiebus
The GOP race is winding down and unless something dramatic happens, Mitt Romney appears to have the Republican nomination all but locked. So of course this would be the perfect time for Donald Trump to rear his magnificent head back into the spotlight and impose his will on American politics.
When news surfaced of Trump’s supposedly monumental announcement yesterday, most pundits simply assumed he was ready to endorse either Newt Gingrich or Mitt Romney — except Jon Stewart.
“The Daily Show” host hoped desperately that the golden-haired real estate mogul would unexpectedly toss his hat back into the race. Because when “The Donald” gets involved, fireworks are sure to follow. Plus his re-entry to the GOP race would be completely misguided and 100 percent hilarious. Unfortunately it was not to be, and Trump’s important announcement was simply to endorse front-runner Mitt Romney.
“Donald Trump and Mitt Romney join forces. Showing Americans that if two Ivy League educated successful business tycoons from wealthy families can find common ground — even when one is a billionaire and the other only a multi, multi, multi millionaire – maybe there is hope this country isn’t so divided after all.”
Who would have thought that Trump’s endorsement would have been so dull and boring? I expected Donald to endorse a Miss Universe contestant or at least Gingrich. Mittens was one of the many candidates to embarrassingly refuse to participate in the Trump-moderated debate back in December, which forced the possible TV spectacle to be cancelled.
Don’t look now but The Donald might be going all conventional on us.
Brits may have somewhat of a serious drinking problem
February 3rd, 2012 by Matt Kiebus
The British traditionally love to drink. Pubs line the streets of most cities with greater frequency than Duane Reades and hot dog stands in New York. That’s what many non-Brits think, anyway.
Drinking heavily on a daily or semi-daily basis has always been a stereotype of the British culture, whether it be fair or not. Having a couple pints everyday after work doesn’t appear to a problem when everyone else does it. Drinking is a integral part of most of European societies. The Brits, Irish, Scots and Germans drink a lot of beer. The French, Italians and Spanish drink a lot of wine, and the Polish, Russians and other Eastern European countries drink vodka.
Hell, Europe is filled with acute alcoholics, but it’s the culture, and unlike America they usually know their limitations. Americans who visit Europe quietly aspire to the sophistication of drinking in cities. However, the British Liver Trust is calling bullshit on Europe’s alcohol-soaked culture.
In 2009 there were 8,664 alcohol-related deaths in Great Britain, which is the equivalent to 22 commercial airliner crashes in a single year. There is nothing sophisticated about that.
The British Liver Trust’s report called for action to halt the rising epidemic of alcohol misuse and resulting liver disease.
Boozing causes 80% of fatalities from liver disease, which is the fifth most common cause of death – although it could overtake stroke and coronary heart disease in 10 to 20 years.
The charity’s chief executive Andrew Langford said: “We strongly support work to tackle the pricing, availability and promotion of alcohol.
“But we also believe people with alcohol problems need to get the right support and treatment to tackle the rise of alcohol-related liver disease. We need to focus on all problem drinkers not just those who are severely alcohol dependent. Drinking harmfully, as 2.9 million of us do, can increase your risk of liver disease by 13 times.”
Most people don’t associate the British drinking habit with deadly epidemics, but I guess acknowledging the fact that people are dying at an alarming rate would take the fun out of things.
But happy Friday everyone! Enjoy your weekends.
[Image via Shutterstock]
Survey says: Over 50% of Republican women claim to orgasm every time they bang
February 3rd, 2012 by Matt Kiebus
Sex is pretty straightforward for men. There are no mysteries or ancient Chinese secrets—reaching an orgasm is only a problem if you have a quick trigger or five too many adult beverages. Women are little more tricky. Unlike men, who have only one erogenous zone that needs attention, they have about 27 in bizarre places like the left Achilles tendon or the elbow.
Traditionally it is significantly harder to please a female compared to a man. The failure to get a woman to use god’s name in vain can do serious damage to the delicate male ego (not that I would know anything about that). However if you want to feel like a champ between the sheets, aim for sexually repressed conservative Republican women.
According to a recent Match.com survey, over 50% of female members of the elephant party admit to climaxing during sex about 100% of the time. The results of the survey showed a correlation between conservatives and frequency of reaching their climax.
Yep, you heard that right. Republicans—and conservative Republicans, for that matter—reported the highest frequency of orgasm of all of the survey respondents, despite having the least amount of sex. More than half of those who identified as conservative Republicans said they reached climax almost every time they had sex, compared with just 40 percent of liberal Democrats. Sure, these answers are self-reported, but the survey was conducted anonymously online. What reason do they have to lie?
Why lie? Because Republicans love to lie—it’s part of their DNA, anything to make them seem superior and their lives perfect. Didn’t you know their new Audi drives simply divine? Haven’t you heard that little Johnny got an A+ on his report on Ronald Reagan? Wait, she didn’t tell you her husband just made partner, and that they had sex with their clothes off that night? Apparently that crazy missionary position really does it for her.
So if you’re struggling to find that liberal g-spot, go to the bar and find the woman sipping a cosmopolitan and trying desperately to be Carrie Bradshaw, and remember: the less leg she shows, the easier she goes.
[Image via Shutterstock]
Why ‘Groundhog Day’ is Bill Murray’s greatest performance
February 2nd, 2012 by Matt Kiebus
Long after his career is over Bill Murray will be remembered as one of the most likeable smartasses in Hollywood history. The Chicago native’s legendary career is filled with so many memorable roles and iconic characters that it’s hard to single out one performance as his finest. Murray is amongst the rarest of breeds, a natural comedian known for his virtuosic improvisational skills who can dramatically switch gears at a moment’s notice.
He can be stoic, depressed, nonsensical, charming, ridiculous and an asshole all at once. He can go from Carl Spackler, a mentally unstable assistant grounds keeper who claims to have caddied for the Dali Lama, to Bob Harris, a lonely washed up Hollywood action star who meets an unlikely friend in Tokyo.
Bill Murray has long reached the point in his career where he could pursue any role he pleases, but the moment he proved his limitless range was as weatherman Phil Connors in “Groundhog Day.” Most people wouldn’t list the Harold Ramis-directed comedy as Murray’s career-defining performance. Hell, most people wouldn’t consider it Murray’s best performance in a Harold Ramis film, let alone his entire career. But if I had to show someone 100 years from now one film that encapsulates Bill Murray it would most definitely be “Groundhog Day.”
“Ghostbusters” is his funniest film, “Caddyshack” contains his most memorable lines and “Lost in Translation” shows off his considerable dramatic talent, but “Groundhog Day” combines all his greatest attributes in a little over an hour and a half. The role of Phil Connors is where comedian Bill Murray and thespian Bill Murray meet, and the result is a film that contains every great element of a Murray film.
His character makes the transition from a closed-minded, cold, pompous asshole with little regard for anyone but himself into a generous, kind, open-minded, charming, loving and genuine character. A lot of people believe that no one truly changes over the course of a lifetime, but Murray changed dramatically in 100 minutes, and most importantly he made the transformation feel genuine.
While Murray was stuck in purgatory, also known as Punxsutawney, PA, he is compellingly angry, frustrated, mischievous and hilarious. It is as though Murray’s entire complicated personality is on display at some point or another in the surprisingly existential PG film. If you are willing to look past the horrific poster, and the Andie MacDowell’s inability to convey emotion (seriously, why was she so popular in the early-mid 90s?), “Groundhog Day” is a one-stop shop to see all of Murray’s talents on full display, and a hell of a film.
Sure, Murray has been funnier and dealt with more complex characters in other movies, but “Groundhog Day” combines the fire of that Second City alumnus who fought Chevy Chase before his opening monologue at SNL and respected actor who was nominated for Best Actor at the Oscars. What could be greater than that?
Ja Rule is enjoying the many perks of life behind bars
February 2nd, 2012 by Matt Kiebus
The words “amazing” and “jail” don’t go together very often, but rapper Ja Rule seems to be genuinely enjoying his time at Mid-State Correctional Facility in Oneida, NY. The Queens native was extremely popular at the turn of the century, thanks to hits like “Holla Holla,” “Clap Back,” “I’m Real” and just about any song featuring Ashanti. However, over the course of the last five years he vanished from the billboard charts and the pop culture spectrum altogether. He is currently serving a two-year sentence for tax evasion and gun possession, and he’s finding his fellow inmates a lot friendlier than his former peers.
During his heyday, Ja Rule was known to feud with rappers more talented and respected than himself, such as 50 Cent, Eminem, Dr. Dre, DMX and Busta Rhymes. He fought losing battles against a murders row of rappers, because his ego seemed to confuse mainstream success with street credibility. Ja Rule’s tough front may have fooled teens listening to Top 40 radio stations, but his peers saw right through it, and crushed him for it — especially when had the audacity to cover a Tupac song. His once promising career crumbled before his eyes, and he disappeared from view.
However, since he was sent upstate Ja Rule has finally started to make some friends, in the form of corrupt, rich, old white men. His famous friends include Alan Hevesi, a corrupt politician and former state controller, and Dennis Koslowsi, former Tyco CEO who is serving 8-25 years for misusing company funds.
“Outside, you don’t meet guys like this every day. This place is amazing,” Ja Rule told the Daily News during an exclusive interview at Mid-State Correctional Facility in upstate Oneida, N.Y.
The rapper, whose real name is Jeffrey Atkins, has been in prison since June for gun possession and tax evasion.
He’s not scheduled to get out until February 2013, but he’s getting ready for his new album, “Pain is Love 2,” to drop later this month — and networking.
“Koz just got out on work release. Not to say I wish he was still here,” he said. “But they’re both great, smart guys.”
These white collar criminals befriended the famous rapper, helping him study for his GRE and encouraging him to start taking college-level courses, which he’ll begin this month. “Koz” gave Ja Rule stock tips, while Hevesi bonded with him over both being democrats.
In his exclusive interview with New York Daily News, the rapper seemed to be sincerely having a jolly ole’ good time. He watches “The Daily Show” and “The Colbert Report” with his fellow inmates, and is undefeated on the basketball court, all while working towards his college degree.
He makes it sound enticing, almost like a spa for the soul. He has got me thinking about robbing a bank simply to catch up on some reading.
Punxsutawney Phil is a miserable bastard and a buzzkill
February 2nd, 2012 by Matt Kiebus
Yesterday, I was nearly ready to sip margaritas poolside, dine al fresco and fire up the BBQ. The weather was so unseasonably nice that life seemed like something straight out of a Corona commercial. I imagined friends sitting around in suits, not talking to each other and vacantly staring off into the distance while tossing back cervezas and listening to R. Kelly, simply basking in the 60 degree February sunlight.
However the stark reality of the date set in rather quickly once the sun dipped below the horizon. No matter how I tried to convince myself golf season and driving down the shore with Bruce blaring weather was right around the corner, the calendar still read February 1 — the middle of winter.
The day before Groundhog Day is a brutal choice for mother nature to return to her cock-teasing habits. No matter how much, or little, faith you put in a chubby and temperamental rodent dictating our climate for the next month and a half, it’s a landmark day on the calendar. Punxsutawney Phil was rudely shaken from his slumber this morning and predicted six more weeks of winter, therefore confirming yesterday’s near perfect weather was indeed a mirage.
The idea of Groundhog Day is based in an old German superstition; if a hibernating animal wakes up and sees his shadow we’re in for a longer Winter, if he doesn’t Spring comes early. Exactly who deemed groundhogs fit for an honorary meteorology degree is beyond my ability for irrational thought, but they sure did choose an animal with a rather morbid sense of climate prediction. Punxsutawney Phil and his ancestors have predicted extended Winters a whooping 87 percent of the time, and he’s be correct 39 percent of the time.
Since it would be far too reasonable to blame the Germans for their stupid superstition that gets our hopes up each February, I’m going to blame that little punx, Phil. Because faulting an animal for making me wear a heavy coat and scarf for another month and a half seems like the American thing to do. The little bastard probably likes the Winter, I’d like it too if I got to sleep through the whole damn thing. Phil seeing his shadow probably has nothing to do with the sun or the weather, it’s just his way of spiting us because those assholes in top hats woke him up from an awesome dream.
So far it has been a rather mild winter (knock on wood). Hopefully it continues, and hopefully our typically volatile mother nature doesn’t skip Spring and jump right to Summer for the third straight year. Until then I’ll continue to rant about things far beyond my control, like the plot of “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” and the poor selection of Slurpee flavors at my local 7-11.
Zamboni driver busted for DWI after PeeWee hockey game
February 1st, 2012 by Matt Kiebus
Even if you never played hockey, it’s hard to imagine a kid who hasn’t once dreamed about driving the Zamboni around the ice. There was something fascinating about the oddly shaped ice resurfacing machine that glided effortlessly around the rink between periods. The mystery of the Zamboni and it’s magical ice smoothing power sticks with a child, and the strange allure of wanting to drive it never fades.
Over time, “driving a Zamboni” usually becomes one of the many childhood dreams that never come to fruition, like going to space or becoming a NBA all-star. Eventually, you start to realize that “driving the Zamboni” is similar to mowing the outfield grass of a baseball field. Riding mowers were cool as a kid too, but mowing the lawn is never mistaken for being a fun activity. Now imagine you are 34 years old, cutting the ice between periods of a PeeWee hockey game for some extra cash a couple times a week, probably wishing you never got that Zamboni Power Wheels car as a kid. The once magical ice chariot has lost its luster, and you’re barely making rent. I bet you’d start drinking too.
Spectators, hockey players and parents pressed against the ice arena’s glass Monday night, watching as a Zamboni driver at the Hayes Arena in Apple Valley, Minn., weaved across the ice erratically and smacked the machine hard against the boards.
About 25 minutes into what should have been a 10-minute job resurfacing the ice, the driver — a part-time employee of the city of Apple Valley — tried to maneuver the unwieldy machine into the arena garage. By then, coach Bryan Dornstreich had called 911.
Officers arrested the 34-year-old Apple Valley man operating the Zamboni for allegedly driving while intoxicated. He failed field sobriety tests and was taken to police headquarters for a blood-alcohol test. The sample was sent to the state Bureau of Criminal Apprehension for analysis. Test results were unavailable Tuesday.
According to reports, Joel Bruss was considered a good and dependable employee. I have no clue if he ever dreamed of driving the Zamboni as a kid, or anything about his life for that matter, except for the fact that Bruss is now facing the possibility of a fourth DWI — his first on a Zamboni. I’m sure state-mandated AA classes probably aren’t the way most people imagine their Zamboni dreams ending.
R. Kelly channels Barry White on upbeat new single ‘Share My Love’
February 1st, 2012 by Matt Kiebus
If you live in the New York metropolitan area, today must seem like a complete mirage. The first day of February is usually welcomed in with sub-freezing temperatures and mounds of snow. The shortest month of the year normally serves as the most miserable of the winter season, but today it’s 60 degrees, sunny and reminiscent of spring. As if we weren’t spoiled enough already with today’s perfect weather, R. Kelly has made it even better by finding his way out of the closet to release a new single.
The masked crusader of rhythm and blues is back with an revamped old school sound recalling Barry White and Sam Cooke — the latter of whom Kels recently did a tribute concert for. “Share My Love” treads on R. Kelly’s usual topics of baby-making, which he now refers to as “populating.” The upbeat tune is catchy, albeit a bit more PG-13 than usual, and perfect for this premature spring weather.
You’ve got to admire the man’s resilience—he gets caught and publicly shamed for giving underage girls golden showers and comes back with a toe-tapping finger-snapping single the whole family can enjoy. Just as long as you don’t tell the kids that Kels’ “love” he’s sharing is actually his penis.
‘Game Change’ trailer: The bad, the ugly and the good (yes good) of Sarah Palin’s 2008 explosion
February 1st, 2012 by Matt Kiebus
Is it just me or does anyone else feel like the 2008 election never officially ended? Sure, Barack Obama won and became president, but it seemed as though 2012 election started before he even unpacked his bags at the White House. Sarah Palin appeared to start campaigning as soon as Obama was sworn in, and although she never officially entered the race, she was always present. In fact ever since Sarah Palin was surprisingly named as John McCain’s running mate she has been a fixture on the nightly news and American pop culture. She’s like MTV’s “Jersey Shore,” an entertaining novelty at first that somehow grew into a strange force too influential to get rid of.
Now that we’ve finally reached 2012, it’s appropriate that we look back on the historic 2008 election, and Palin’s incredible influence on it. One hundred years from now history books will remember 2008 as the year our country elected our first black president, but it was Sarah Palin who nearly stole Obama’s spotlight.
HBO films is continuing their ambitious series of big-budget, A-list, made-for-TV films with “Game Change,” which is based on a book by John Heilemann and Mark Halperin. The film stars Julianne Moore as Sarah Palin, Ed Harris as John McCain and Woody Harrelson as McCain’s campaign advisor.
“Game Change” appears to focus on Palin’s influence on the 2008 race, fairly weighing the positives and negatives she brought the the McCain ticket. Considering the fact we are used to bashing mama grizzly for her intellect, narcissism and Caribou-killing ways, it’ll be interesting to watch a film showcase how her magnetic personality helped McCain.
Check out the trailer below, followed by an MSNBC interview with the book’s authors.
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
[MSNBC]
David Lynch’s new coffee ad is hilariously sinister (video)
January 31st, 2012 by Matt Kiebus
Director David Lynch is well-known for his uniquely creepy film-making style. His trademarked “Lynchian” approach to movies has made him a cult favorite amongst fans for films such as “Mulholland Drive” and “Blue Velvet,” as well as the TV show “Twin Peaks.” Lynchian cinema possesses a strange dream-like quality that can bother the viewer long after the credits roll.
So it only makes sense that the famous director would bring that same disturbing quality to his signature line of coffee.
Lynch may not have made a feature film in over five years, but his coffee commercials seem to be brewed in the same vein. The short 45-second ad for his organic espresso roast shows a cup of coffee being made in a pitch dark room illuminated by sudden flashes of light, capped off a by the girl at the end of short clip sensuously enjoying a bold cup while exclaiming, “Oh yeah.”
[Vulture]
Fox News completes despicable decade of dominance
January 31st, 2012 by Matt Kiebus
For the 10th straight year Fox News wears the crown of top cable new network, and it wasn’t even close. Despite the constant waves of criticism Fox News faces on a semi-daily basis from liberals and rational conservatives, the skewed news provider has continued to thrive. Ideally, reporting is supposed to be done objectively and without bias. Fox News is the embodiment of what’s wrong with news reporting, blatantly editorializing and sensationalizing stories with an obvious Republican bias — and they’re beloved for it.
When you consider the majority of our country is comprised of conservatives, Fox News’ popularity shouldn’t be surprising but their influence is troublesome. Normally, the average viewer has no logical reason to care about popularity of a certain TV channel. If you enjoy NBC over ABC — good for you! If your kid likes Sesame Street over Dora the Explorer — who cares? Unless your job depends on the Nielsen Ratings, these kinds of channel preferences don’t matter. Fox News, on the other hand, has the power and the means to manipulate a large percentage of the American public, which can effect elected officials, public policy and the way our country is perceived.
When Bill O’Reilly is your network’s most famous anchor and he’s convinced that oceans’ tides can’t be explained by any science other than god — there is a problem. When comedians like Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert become more trust-worthy sources of news, there is an even bigger problem. The Comedy Central dream team routinely filets and lambasts Fox News for their obvious right-wing bias using little more than highlights from Fox News’s own shows. It is scarily similar to watching Joel McHale make fun of reality television on “The Soup.” It’s sad when the leader in cable news is as sensational as “Real Housewives of New Jersey.”
The most dangerous part of Fox News, however, can be found in that all their angles are simply in search of ratings. They know exactly what their audience wants to hear and instead of giving a fair and honest report, we get a fairly honest report with a subliminal “fuck you” thrown towards Obama. Fox News is world wide leader in perpetuating the hatred of the liberal media for their own benefit. In the eyes of their viewers Fox News is always looking out for the average US citizen, while the “biased” New York Times “spins” the news for the pompous East Coast elite.
If you throw all journalistic ethics and integrity out the window, the Fox News rating-seeking business model is pure genius. They don’t report the news, they make it fit, like a square peg in a round hole. This has resulted in the complete dominance of cable news. Despite the fact that Rupert Murdoch was forced to close the doors of his British flagship tabloid, New of the World, due to rampant illegal phone-hacking of celebrities and elected officials, Fox News continues to thrive. The cable news leader attracts more viewers than their next two competitors (MSNBC and CNN) combined.
Only time will tell if Fox News’s unethical behavior will ever come back to haunt them. However, that day doesn’t seem to be anytime soon. Until then we’ll be forced to find satisfaction watching Stewart and Colbert’s jibes, while Fox News sips champagne year after year.
Honda continues Super Bowl blitz with Seinfeld Acura ad (video)
January 31st, 2012 by Matt Kiebus
There was a point in time when companies waited until the Super Bowl to air their Super Bowl commercials. Apparently those days are over.
It is still five days before the big game and the Honda Automotive Company has already posted both extended versions of their high profile commercials on YouTube. The company is taking a drastically different approach to advertisements than they ever have in the past, and are clearly keen to capitalize on making their videos go viral, and save money along the way.
Super bowl commercials this year will cost a mind-blowing $3.5 million for a 30 second spot. If Honda were going to air both of their high priced advertisements it would cost over $30 million simply for the commercial time. That’s why they released the commercials in advance on the internet – to get people talking and stir up interest. And so far they’ve been quite successful. Honda is expanding the idea of Super Bowl Sunday, just as retailers lengthen the “Christmas season.”
As for the commercials themselves, the Seinfeld Acura commercial is better than the kind of lackluster Ferris Bueller Honda ad. Nevertheless, both commercials feature rather curious spokesmen.
While Jerry Seinfeld and Matthew Broderick are both extremely recognizable celebrities, neither is in the limelight anymore. Maybe Honda’s trying to connect with an older crowd? After all, “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” celebrated its 25th anniversary last June and “Seinfeld” has been off the air for almost 14 years.
Normally I’m all aboard a nostalgic trip down memory lane, but there was something off about both commercials. I loved the idea of the Ferris Bueller ad, but I was insulted by the suggestion that Ferris’s taste in fine automobiles vanished over the years. As for the Acura commercial, the idea of Jerry Seinfeld telling “dirty limericks” at family dinners and having a “personal network of Manhattan zip lines” made me laugh, but Seinfeld’s acting ability will always leave something to be desired – and Jay Leno will always suck.
[Vulture]
