No, Donald Trump is not being smug—his face is stuck like that.

Sure your average February only has a measly 28 days—but it also has 15 zany holidays you can celebrate if you’re so inclined.

Hm, South Africa sure has some interesting news.

Budweiser totally punked this recreational Canadian hockey team.

Europe got all the cold that the northeastern US didn’t this year. It looks terrible.

The NFL wants players to sign a waiver prohibiting them from suing for any head injuries that come to light after they are retire. Not that that would happen. Why would that happen?

The Koch Brothers will pony up $60 million to defeat Obama in November.

Bon Iver was asked to play at the Grammys this year. He said, “Nah.”

Newt Gingrich had some words for New York’s “elites” who ride the subway.

Web wrap: must-reads from the internets is a post by Death and Taxes -

The GOP race is winding down and unless something dramatic happens, Mitt Romney appears to have the Republican nomination all but locked. So of course this would be the perfect time for Donald Trump to rear his magnificent head back into the spotlight and impose his will on American politics.

When news surfaced of Trump’s supposedly monumental announcement yesterday, most pundits simply assumed he was ready to endorse either Newt Gingrich or Mitt Romney — except Jon Stewart.

“The Daily Show” host hoped desperately that the golden-haired real estate mogul would unexpectedly toss his hat back into the race. Because when “The Donald” gets involved, fireworks are sure to follow. Plus his re-entry to the GOP race would be completely misguided and 100 percent hilarious. Unfortunately it was not to be, and Trump’s important announcement was simply to endorse front-runner Mitt Romney.

“Donald Trump and Mitt Romney join forces. Showing Americans that if two Ivy League educated successful business tycoons from wealthy families can find common ground — even when one is a billionaire and the other only a multi, multi, multi millionaire – maybe there is hope this country isn’t so divided after all.”

Who would have thought that Trump’s endorsement would have been so dull and boring? I expected Donald to endorse a Miss Universe contestant or at least Gingrich. Mittens was one of the many candidates to embarrassingly refuse to participate in the Trump-moderated debate back in December, which forced the possible TV spectacle to be cancelled.

Don’t look now but The Donald might be going all conventional on us.

Jon Stewart is sorely disappointed in Donald Trump’s endorsement of Mitt Romney (video) is a post by Death and Taxes -

Christopher Hitchens, in one of his finer moments, once said, “The secular state is the guarantee of religious pluralism. This apparent paradox, again, is the simplest and most elegant of political truths.” Certainly, he was likely leveling the statement at the three biggest offenders, the Abrahamic religions—Christianity, Judaism and Islam. However, sub-textually, he meant all religions.

And the paradox could hardly be any more ripe than when one considers Scientology. Here is a “religion” that managed to classify itself as a “church” in order to reap the benefits that tax-exempt religions had already enjoyed, as well as to insulate itself from being called a cult, or dismantled for being a fraud.

Minted, as it were, by the U.S. government, the Church of Scientology is free to extort unwitting and ignorant people as long as it sticks to the law. The government won’t tolerate any of that Operation Snow White shit, but Tom Cruise is free to redistribute his wealth to Scientology clerics. Hell, maybe even some of that money from the lower rungs makes its way into Cruise and John Travolta’s pockets, but we’d never get close enough to know the truth.

Thomas Paine was also well-acquainted with the idea of people seeking salvation through indulgences, or any individual contributing money to a religious institution for good of his soul, stating in “The Age of Reason”:

The doctrine of redemption is founded on a mere pecuniary idea corresponding to that of a debt which another person might pay; and as this pecuniary idea corresponds again with the system of second redemption, obtained through the means of money given to the Church for pardons, the probability is that the same persons fabricated both the one and the other of those theories; and that, in truth there is no such thing as redemption — that it is fabulous, and that man stands in the same relative condition with his Maker as he ever did stand since man existed, and that it is his greatest consolation to think so.

Paine would have been truly baffled at how the creation and existence of Scientology was enabled by the U.S. Constitution’s First Amendment. Whether he would have taken to the “church” the way the Europeans have is another matter.

According to the Associated Press, yesterday a French appeals court upheld a 2009 fraud conviction involving the Church of Scientology, in which it forced members into paying money for questionable Scientology remedies. Sounds rather like Catholic indulgences; however, the case bears closer resemblance to buying self-help materials found in a late night infomercial.

The case began with a legal complaint by a young woman who said she took out loans and spent the equivalent of euro21,000 ($28,000) on books, courses and “purification packages” after being recruited in 1998. When she sought reimbursement and to leave the group, its leadership refused to allow either. She was among three eventual plaintiffs.

Karin Pouw, the Los Angeles Scientology spokesperson, has said that the church will appeal to the Court of Cassation, but also plans to bring a complaint to the European Court of Human Rights. Well, the case should do well in these venues, naturally, because it is no doubt a human right to charge others to become more complete Thetans and then refuse reimbursement once a displeased Thetan attempts to leave the fold.

Why could we not then apply this logic to all religious institutions—one joins, gives money away, and one leaves without much improvement and without the cash. It’s a poker game that any believer is destined to lose.

Indeed, the simple fact of the matter is that all religions make promises—”remedies” let’s call them—that they cannot possibly keep. They may not offer the cures that Scientology offers, but in the final analysis, the three Abrahamic religions offer salvation for mortal souls subjected to the realities of being a biological being here on Earth.

Then again, like the woman in this Scientology case they are simply a legion of suckers, so perhaps we should not take pity on them.

Scientology is in it for the money, but aren’t all religions? is a post by Death and Taxes -

Once again demonstrating a knack for subversion, Anonymous slipped into a conference call aimed at discussing hacking that allegedly took place on January 17 between the FBI and Scotland Yard. The conference call, which is apparently held weekly, was breached on the FBI side. Today an Anonymous affiliate released audio of the call unto the internet, and a corresponding Youtube video can be found below.

Highlights of the conversation include an FBI detective thanking the Metropolitan police, and a British detective replying, “We’ve cocked things up in the past. We know that.” The officer then goes on to describe an Anonymous hacker who managed to hack into the Manchester Credit Union: “He’s a 15 year old kid who is just basically doing this all for attention and a bit of an idiot.”

This is perhaps the most illuminating quote of the conversation for a few reasons. For one, it brings to light the fact that in 2012, 15 year olds who are allegedly acting out for attention manage to corral it from international law enforcement and our best detectives. It also shows first-hand what these professionals tasked with tracking (in some cases) nascent hackers think of their suspects—which is to say not very highly.

The Brit also says, “We’ve set back the further arrests of Kayla”, referring to a story which I covered months ago, when the arrests began against the Anonymous-affiliated digital activism group.

Usually we hear about Distributed Denial of Service (DDoS) attacks, wherein a website gets flooded by traffic from a Low Orbit Ion Cannon (LOIC or Lulz Cannon), but in this case, which is nowhere near the first of its kind, Anonymous sends a clear message that their capabilities extend beyond virtual property damage and into the realm of legitimate, purposeful spying.

The AnonymousIRC twitter account tweeted earlier today, “The FBI might be curious how we’re able to continuously read their internal comms for some time now.”

Indeed they are. They released a statement acknowledging their participation in the call, and of course said they would be pursuing the perpetrators. The former response strikes me as odd. Why would they admit to being hacked?

After publishing audio of the call itself, Anonymous spiced things up by publishing an email “apparently stolen from the FBI” that contained the email addresses of all call participants, according to the BBC.

Hearing how the real detectives react to Anonymous makes me imagine a Bond flick where James is tasked with tracking Anonymous. He would be downing martinis at triple speed just to help existentially justify hunting down acne-ridden precocious computer-game-enthusiasts. It’s got to be soul-crushing.

Anyway, the beginning of the call is literally filled with the laughter of the the oblivious detectives. They get down to business around three minutes in.

Anonymous infiltrates FBI and Scotland Yard’s conference call about Anonymous is a post by Death and Taxes -

There are still nine days until “The Walking Dead” series comes lurching back to finish its sophomore season on AMC. That’s more than enough time to tear through the 93 issues of the comic book upon which it’s based.

At about 22 pages each, 93 issues may sound like a lot of material, but it’s not. It’s never enough, actually. The mostly monthly serialized narrative is above and beyond far more effective than the televised version. Though made of black-and-white ink, not flesh and bone, Robert Kirkman’s characters capture the real horror of the zombie era, a reality in which you’re forced to fight for your life against both flesh-eating doppelgangers, other men and yourself. How far will the characters, or you, go to survive? The answer will horrify you.

Man’s gruesome nature will surely be revealed as “The Walking Dead” comics’ latest arc, “A Larger World,” unfolds over the next seven months. Kirkman and his publishers at Image Comics released this teaser image today: a man — possibly increasingly unhinged Rick? — holding a blood-dripping chainsaw, invoking flashbacks of cannibal Leatherface. The tagline: “Something to fear.”

Newsarama passed along Kirkman’s remarks on the chilling teaser image: “After Rick and the other survivors are brought into a larger world, they are given something to fear.”

In the most recent issue, Rick lamented how unfazed he has become to his new reality, how it’s too familiar and combating zombies has become rote. He’s obviously about to remember what true terror feels like, or maybe dole it out himself. The reader, meanwhile, will have little choice but “watch” in captivated horror. Seriously, I dare you: pick up the first three issues of “The Walking Dead” comic and try not to consume the remaining 90. For those of you who aren’t into it, the series returns on February 12th.

Here’s a full look at the teaser image for the “A Larger World” story arc.

Why ‘The Walking Dead’ comic is better than the AMC series: ‘Something to fear’ is a post by Death and Taxes -

Today’s report on the economy is great news—no two ways about. Unless you happen to be a Republican running in an election in November. Then it’s pretty terrible news.

The economy added 243,000 new jobs in January—a full 100,000 more than the consensus of surveyed economists expected. And unemployment dipped down to 8.3% after economists expected it to hold steady at 8.5%. Overall, today’s report painted a picture of an economy that started to pick up steam at the end of 2011 and kept momentum flowing into 2012, despite fears that the mess of Europe’s sovereign debt crisis could spill over onto our shores. More people are working, the markets are up, and as more have more money they could spend more, ensuring bigger corporate profits, which could in turn spur more hiring.

Sure, in the grand scheme of things the economy is still pretty bad. But there’s momentum. You get enough months of this type of momentum and you start to get a virtuous cycle. Or, for Republicans running against Obama this year: a disaster.

Elections are always referendums on the economy. And this election seems to have started shortly after Obama’s inauguration in January, 2009. For years pundits and Democrats have been claiming that Republicans have been negotiating economic policies on bad faith, pleading a kind of Ayn Rand free-market worship while actually trying to keep the economy down and thus making Obama easier to beat in 2012.

Why else resist extending the payroll tax cut for the middle-class? Why play a game of chicken with the US debt limit that created economic shocks this summer against stern warnings from basically every trained economist in the country?

Apparently, despite Republican efforts to position themselves as the only possible saviors of a still-disastrous economy, the economy is beginning to improve.

But they’re not out of options. There are still ways to spin this thing.

From the New York Times this morning:

The Labor Department estimated on Friday that the economy gained 243,000 jobs. The department also estimated that the economy lost 2,689,000 jobs in the month.

The difference in the two numbers is in seasonal adjustment. Employment always falls in January, as temporary Christmas jobs end. So the government applies seasonal adjustment factors in an effort to discern the real trend of the economy apart from seasonal fluctuations. The actual survey showed the big loss in jobs. The seasonal adjustments produced the reported gain of 243,000 jobs.

Sure, the same article proclaimed, “it is beginning to look as if the economy will be better come fall than many expected it to be.” But come on—2,689,000 lost in a month? That’s campaign gold, right there (as long as you ignore all the other pesky details and hang on tight to that number.)

Today’s great news on jobs is the worst news Republicans have heard all year is a post by Death and Taxes -

The British traditionally love to drink. Pubs line the streets of most cities with greater frequency than Duane Reades and hot dog stands in New York. That’s what many non-Brits think, anyway.

Drinking heavily on a daily or semi-daily basis has always been a stereotype of the British culture, whether it be fair or not. Having a couple pints everyday after work doesn’t appear to a problem when everyone else does it. Drinking is a integral part of most of European societies. The Brits, Irish, Scots and Germans drink a lot of beer. The French, Italians and Spanish drink a lot of wine, and the Polish, Russians and other Eastern European countries drink vodka.

Hell, Europe is filled with acute alcoholics, but it’s the culture, and unlike America they usually know their limitations. Americans who visit Europe quietly aspire to the sophistication of drinking in cities. However, the British Liver Trust is calling bullshit on Europe’s alcohol-soaked culture.

In 2009 there were 8,664 alcohol-related deaths in Great Britain, which is the equivalent to 22 commercial airliner crashes in a single year. There is nothing sophisticated about that.

The British Liver Trust’s report called for action to halt the rising epidemic of alcohol misuse and resulting liver disease.

Boozing causes 80% of fatalities from liver disease, which is the fifth most common cause of death – although it could overtake stroke and coronary heart disease in 10 to 20 years.

The charity’s chief executive Andrew Langford said: “We strongly support work to tackle the pricing, availability and promotion of alcohol.

“But we also believe people with alcohol problems need to get the right support and treatment to tackle the rise of alcohol-related liver disease. We need to focus on all problem drinkers not just those who are severely alcohol dependent. Drinking harmfully, as 2.9 million of us do, can increase your risk of liver disease by 13 times.”

Most people don’t associate the British drinking habit with deadly epidemics, but I guess acknowledging the fact that people are dying at an alarming rate would take the fun out of things.

But happy Friday everyone! Enjoy your weekends.

[The Mirror]

[Image via Shutterstock]

Brits may have somewhat of a serious drinking problem is a post by Death and Taxes -

Susan G. Komen for the Cure has had a roller coaster of a week. Monday, the leading fundraising foundation for the fight against breast cancer announced they would cut funding for Planned Parenthood due to an internal policy that prevented them from donating to any agency under federal investigation. Following the announcement, the group received tremendous backlash from the media and social media users who accused Komen’s leadership of political motives and charged the organization with not prioritizing women’s health. Yesterday, Komen vocally defended their decision, then this morning finally capitulated and announced that they would reinstate funding for Planned Parenthood.

“We want to apologize to the American public for recent decisions that cast doubt upon our commitment to our mission of saving women’s lives,” the Komen foundation said in a statement, reports the Wall Street Journal.

“Our original desire was to fulfill our fiduciary duty to our donors by not funding grant applications made by organizations under investigation. We will amend the criteria to make clear that disqualifying investigations must be criminal and conclusive in nature and not political. That is what is right and fair,” the statement continued.

The Susan G. Komen Foundation isn’t the first to buckle under noisy Internet protest. Bank of America and other big banks backed off their fee programs last year after protests, and just two weeks ago, Washington responded to large scale protest against SOPA and PIPA, two anti-piracy bills, by calling off votes.

While the Komen Foundation’s decision to reverse Monday’s announcement is commendable, this week’s protest has cast a shadow of doubt on the foundation’s ethics and leadership, and likely did damage that won’t be undone overnight. But it’s good to know the vocal powers of the internet can help derail bad decisions and get misguided policies back on the right track.

[Image via]

Komen got the e-cards, is backing down on Planned Parenthood decision is a post by Death and Taxes -

Sex is pretty straightforward for men. There are no mysteries or ancient Chinese secrets—reaching an orgasm is only a problem if you have a quick trigger or five too many adult beverages. Women are little more tricky. Unlike men, who have only one erogenous zone that needs attention, they have about 27 in bizarre places like the left Achilles tendon or the elbow.

Traditionally it is significantly harder to please a female compared to a man. The failure to get a woman to use god’s name in vain can do serious damage to the delicate male ego (not that I would know anything about that). However if you want to feel like a champ between the sheets, aim for sexually repressed conservative Republican women.

According to a recent Match.com survey, over 50% of female members of the elephant party admit to climaxing during sex about 100% of the time. The results of the survey showed a correlation between conservatives and frequency of reaching their climax.

Yep, you heard that right. Republicans—and conservative Republicans, for that matter—reported the highest frequency of orgasm of all of the survey respondents, despite having the least amount of sex. More than half of those who identified as conservative Republicans said they reached climax almost every time they had sex, compared with just 40 percent of liberal Democrats. Sure, these answers are self-reported, but the survey was conducted anonymously online. What reason do they have to lie?

Why lie? Because Republicans love to lie—it’s part of their DNA, anything to make them seem superior and their lives perfect. Didn’t you know their new Audi drives simply divine? Haven’t you heard that little Johnny got an A+ on his report on Ronald Reagan? Wait, she didn’t tell you her husband just made partner, and that they had sex with their clothes off that night? Apparently that crazy missionary position really does it for her.

So if you’re struggling to find that liberal g-spot, go to the bar and find the woman sipping a cosmopolitan and trying desperately to be Carrie Bradshaw, and remember: the less leg she shows, the easier she goes.

[The Daily Beast]

[Image via Shutterstock]

Survey says: Over 50% of Republican women claim to orgasm every time they bang is a post by Death and Taxes -

What a waste. Some poor schlub, perhaps trying to get rid of evidence, lost 30 bales of marijuana worth an estimated $500,000 in the Pacific Ocean off the coast of Marina del Rey, California. The water-logged stash was discovered by sheriff office’s investigators Wednesday, and was recovered later in the week by lifeguards, who then turned the bud booty to customs officials, the LA Times reports.

This scene reminds me when Celia Hodes dumped Nancy Botwin’s stash in her pool on Showtime’s “Weeds.” Nancy, of course, later moved — after Guillermo burned down her entire suburb — to a place called Ren Mar, California, a fictional town that somewhat resembles Marina del Rey. Coincidence or conspiracy? Probably just a coincidence, but if you’re high and paranoid, maybe you’ll think the latter.

Image via doubl’s 23HQ page.

$500,000 worth of weed found off California coast is a post by Death and Taxes -