The caption to the video is:

Bored of being in a dark room, she flips on the light, opens the door and bails.
This particular episode takes place at 1am.
This is why we keep doors locked with her around. We don’t need her harassing the neighbors.

But should really be:

HOLY LIVING FUCK SNAKES CAN OPEN DOOOOOOOORS

Read more: Uproxx

Ask someone what a Samsung Galaxy is and they might mistake it for a washing machine / futuristic vibrator, but say “iPhone” and people immediately know what it is. It was one of Steve Jobs’ moments of true genius in calling it that: it’s simple, to the point, and sounds innovative. However, we spend as much on our phones – specifically the iPhone – as the entire GDP of the country of Sudan.

Here’s some staggering math for you, though:

1) There are 129 million smartphone users in the US.
2) According to surverys, 37.8% of them (48.76million) use the iPhone.
3) Every iPhone user spends $110 a month on a basic iPhone plan.
4) $110 a month x 12 months a year = $1320 (per person, per year)
5) $1320 x 58,000,000 = $64,363,200,000 ($64.36billion)

And here’s how much Americans spend on their phones per year:

1) 129 million smartphone users
2) Ballpark figure $70 per month per month per phone ($110 for iPhone vs $50 for Sprint PCS)
3) $70 x 12 month = $840 (annual)
4) $840 x 129,000,000 = $108,360,000,000 ($108 billion)

“Brennisteinn” is the first track off of Sigur Rós’ latest outing, “Kveikur” (Icelandic for candlewick), and it certainly starts off as we might expect from the veteran post-rockers: bombastic and yet simultaneously quite delicate. Vocal harmonies subtle enough to miss on first listen ride on deep blasting bass that drives the track along. I don’t have a clue what they’re singing, but the meaning is probably beautiful too—unless it means nothing at all. The song then switches phase into a much lighter movement, eschewing that booming bass for a string-based arrangement, only to end with an orchestral coda that would sound right at home performed in a massive concert hall in front of monocle sporting seniors—not to say that you won’t enjoy it too because you will, it’s really lovely.

Sigur Rós are capable of delivering something really polished here. Frontman Jónsi’s vocals are at times restrained and other times let loose to dance in his falsetto register above the massive soundspace of the record. If you’re in need of a point of reference, think of Thom Yorke in some of Radiohead’s grander stuff.

One standout track is “Ísjaki,” Iceberg. Google Translate wasn’t too illuminating on the lyrics, but the track seems to be about a relationship gone wrong as the singer’s love interest is shown to be frigid and silent (like an iceberg—the metaphor’s probably better in the original language). “Ísjaki” is actually marked by a refreshing accessibility. Anyone with a curious ear can appreciate the pop sensibilities at play here, though perhaps not as much as in former outings (NSFW music video link). A single listen through makes it obvious that the band hasn’t stopped experimenting and this is not even close to some sort of sellout chart-topping attempt, and it may not even be their most accessible release recently (low pitched backwards vocals at the beginning of “Yfirboð” might scare some away, for example), but pop music is getting weirder all the time and there’s no reason why Sigur Rós can’t be appreciated by a wide audience for the material on this release.

If the album art is any clue, “Kveikur” can be haunting and dark at times, but there’s a real beauty that’s not hard to come by and that should be familiar, though not tired, to fans. The album covers a lot of ground as well. If you took “Stormur,” redid the vocals and maybe put in some violin, it could pass for a very deep cut from Florence and the Machine, save for some subtle glitchy noise on top. Similarly, some moments might call to mind the grandiose orchestral passages of Arcade Fire, or the mystery of M83.

Indeed, Sigur Rós have influenced and let their genre-maktes give back to give back to them. The sound is evolving and post-rock is an active scene, as any cursory Bandcamp or Soundcloud search will prove, and Sigur Rós is determined to stay on top of it. The title track alone drips with innovative sounds for the genre, gorgeous drumming, and top-notch production. Even if someone more well-versed in post-rock than me were to claim that the album coasts on well-trodden ground, there’s no denying that “Kveikur” does it well.

Where some previous releases seemed to border on background-listening muzak at times, “Kveikur” screams “listen to me on your blasting speakers!” From glitchy near-avante-garde intros and outros (check out the last forty seconds of the title track) to triumphant movie-score sonic explosions, the album is brimming with expert musicianship and real emotion. Jónsi’s voice is as powerful as ever and I can’t even imagine the added impact if I could speak the language.

The last track on the album, “Var,” is really something of a must-listen. It hits you the way Aphex Twin’s Avril 14th does—its calmness is accentuated tenfold by the intensity of what precedes it. A single violin note scratching its way into silence closes the album the way no “big” track ever could have.

If you’re a post-rock diehard or just like Florence and the Machine, go check out “Kveikur,” out tomorrow in Japan and June 18th stateside. And don’t forget to check out the trippy video for “Brennisteinn” below.

[Pre-order "Kveikur" at sigur-ros.co.uk]

Surprise, fans of giving money to people with more money than you! James Franco now has an Indiegogo crowd-sourcing campaign to fund his new film project!

Yes. James Franco, who is worth at least $20 million dollars, would like you, the people, to give him money so that some former NYU film students can make three feature films based on three of his stories from “Palo Alto,” a book he wrote about his high school days. Doesn’t that sound appealing and not at all exhausting? And also like it would add a lot to the world? Isn’t that something you’d like to see realized on film? Probably, because it does seem as though James Franco is only in about 60% of the movies out this year, and I know we would all like to see more of him.

I don’t know about you, but I have had actual nightmares wherein I am forced to make small talk with James Franco, while he tries to tell me about how awesomely deep he is. He seems like the kind of guy that would want to tell you about how he went on a Native American spirit quest and met his spirit animal, a jackal named Fred who told him the meaning of life, only he can’t tell you what that is because you are not spiritually developed enough to handle it just now. Then, he would probably read you his poetry and want to talk to you about what you think his dreams symbolize, and meanwhile you would fantasize about sticking an ice-pick in your eye-socket because the only way you could continue that conversation would be if you had a lobotomy.

However, that’s not why this is objectionable. It’s objectionable for the same reasons all the other damn celebrity Kickstarters are objectionable. It’s gross to ask people who have less money than you do to fund your stupid vanity projects. Sure, unlike Zach Braff and Zosia Mamet, Franco pledges to donate the profits from the film to a charity. That’s pretty cool, but still, dude has $20 million dollars, and should maybe consider funding the project of someone less prominent and with less money than himself before asking for money for his things.

I’m not saying there aren’t any celebrity Kickstarters I would support. I would gladly donate funds to an organization that would provide any celebrity asking the plebes for money with the complete works of Jonathan Kozol, who writes about childhood poverty. As a child, whenever I acted like a spoiled, entitled brat, I was required to read aloud either from “The Diary of Anne Frank” or from Kozol’s “Amazing Grace”, until I realized what an ass I was being.

I would also support something that actually would have actually have trouble getting funded in the first place: for instance, a movie with some freaking women in it, particularly if they were not all skinny rich white women. Apparently, we don’t have too much of that this summer, and this is now a problem. I sincerely doubt Franco’s project would pass the Bechdel Test.

I may be alone in this, but if I’m going to give money to someone, I’d rather it not go to a celebrities vanity project.

Follow @RobynElyse

“Cookie Thumper” does everything that you’d expect a Die Antwoord video to do. Which is:

It’s basically like every other Die Antwood video – but considering the dearth of originality in the music video world, that’s probably a good thing.

Questlove from The Roots has a new book out today called “Mo Meta Blues: The World According to Questlove.” You can pick it up here.

Slate ran an excerpt from the book this morning in which he describes a time he received a cryptic text message from Prince‘s assistant inviting him to a private rollerskating party in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night.

The message asked Questlove to bring “cool” people. After the people he was already hanging out with (“Mos, Talib, Jill, Erykah, Common”) all opted out, he ended up bringing Eddie Murphy out to the roller rink.

“This is historical,” Eddie Murphy said. “For starters, I need to see if Prince can roller‑skate.”

Turns out he can roller-skate like a motherfucker. Not only that, he owns his own custom-made clear light-up rollerskates that he keeps in a briefcase like the gold-emitting mystery box from “Pulp Fiction.”

Prince was carrying a big briefcase in his hand, and he was acting all mysterious, like it contained the glowing substance from Pulp Fic­tion or something. He made like he was going to open it, then stopped, then started again. Then he walked toward me.

I put the phone in coat check. Prince was asking me.

When I got back, Prince had the briefcase out on the floor. He clicked the lock and opened it, and took out the strangest, most singu­lar pair of roller skates I had ever seen. They were clear skates that lit up, and the wheels sent a multicolored spark trail into your path.

He took them out and did a big lap around the rink. Man. He could skate like he could sing. I watched him go, so transfixed that I didn’t even notice Eddie Murphy appearing at my arm. “I’m going to go get your phone for you,” he said.

Read the rest at Slate, and buy “Mo’ Meta Blues” at Amazon.

Follow @alexandergmoore

Former reality TV star Sarah Palin returned to the Fox News airwaves on Monday to critique New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg’s “bizarre bucket list” of an agenda in the closing months of his third and final term, which includes banning large sodas, background checks on gun ownership and recycling food scraps.

“Do New Yorkers feel like you’re just a bunch of babies?” Palin asked the “Fox & Friends” panel in their NYC studio. “Like, you got this nanny over ya telling ya what to do every day? … Your mayor, bless his heart, I feel for New Yorkers.”

Needless to say, the 49-year-old, who served one-half of a term as governor of Alaska, got her fair share of news coverage after the incendiary appearance, including an eight-minute rant from the King of All Media on Tuesday’s “The Howard Stern Show.”

If you’ve paid any attention to Stern’s morning show in the last couple years, you know that the very existence of Palin has inspiring some of his best vitriol, case in point: his comments on Palin after the shooting of Arizona congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords. Ah. So good. But, before you click the previous link, tune into the King of All Media’s response to the Queen of the Trolls below:

Follow @BrianAbrams

In what can only be described as the most astounding feat of investigative journalism since Bill Dedman’s “The Color of Money,” US Weekly has delved deep into the Twitter feed of supermodel-turned-entrepreneur Tyra Banks to uncover her deepest, darkest secret:

Tyra Banks has got a bacon jones.

And it’s very serious, you see, because according to Tyra’s tweets, she has even gone so far as to consider stealing leftover bacon from another table at a restaurant.

Banks’ bacon obsession reached an all-time high on June 15. “Lady eating bacon next to me. She just got up and left two pieces. Should I. . .?” she asked. Miss J Alexander, former runway coach on America’s Next Top Model, swiftly replied, “No! Don’t you dare! Damn, I think it’s too late.”

IS IT TOO LATE? I mean, must we all be concerned for our own bacon? Is Tyra on a bacon thieving rampage? What are we going to do after Tyra Banks steals all of the bacon and there is no bacon left for anybody? Will Tyra Banks have to go to bacon rehab? What hath Tyra wrought?

One can only assume that Ms. Banks’ superpower, her ability to smize on cue, is in fact powered by bacon. She must eat all of the bacon, or she will no longer be able to smize.

Thankfully, for those of us whose inner peace depends upon Tyra Banks remaining thin and fit, US Weekly does in fact report that she is hitting the treadmill to counter those excess calories. Phew!

Follow @RobynElyse

On May 16, actor Edward Furlong was arrested for disobeying a court restraining order after paying a non-violent visit to his ex-girlfriend, actress Monica Keena. He was taken into custody and held on $100,000 bail. Eventually, a reduced amount of $50,000 was paid, permitting the 35-year-old’s release on May 18 around midnight.

Three weeks later, however, the judge presiding over our boy’s case changed his mind. The remaining $50,000 would still be required, the judge decided, and so Furlong went back into the slammer on June 10 — and he’s been in there for the last eight days, no visitors allowed. Which is a shame, because I’m totally ready to dispatch our West coast correspondent to perform the “Midnight Express” glass-telephone bit. Eight days, as far as I’m concerned, is a stint.

Screengrab from L.A. County Sheriff’s office inmate information center, taken Tuesday morning:

Furlong was previously arrested in January and in October 2012 for domestic disturbance charges involving Keena. His next hearing is scheduled today (Tues, June 18), and we’re not the only ones rootin’ for the “Detroit Rock City” star to get his shit together. Case in point, this Romanian chick:

Am I the only one thinking about Edward Furlong right now? He needs all the suport he can get.He is on trial today. Free Eddie!!!

— Andreea Cacoveanu (@AndreeaCacovean) June 18, 2013

Edward Furlong – Love me little, love me long: http://t.co/cMx5Al7Xcg via @youtube No matter what you've got to keep your head up Eddie.

— Andreea Cacoveanu (@AndreeaCacovean) June 18, 2013

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In case you were unaware, the U.S. House is currently trying to pass a bill to make abortion illegal after 20 weeks, based on the false notion that 20 weeks is when a fetus can feel pain. All the available scientific research, of course, states that a fetus cannot feel pain until 24 weeks, which when it is considered to be viable, and after which abortion is no longer an option. But, hey, Republicans and science, what’re you going to do? We’re dealing with people who think Noah’s flood really happened and the earth is 6,000 years old.

However, Rep. Michael Burgess (R-Texas) is uncomfortable with that plan. He actually believes that abortion should be illegal all of the time, but must at least be banned at 15 weeks because that is when, he says, fetuses start to masturbate.

Via HuffPo:

“This is a subject that I do know something about,” said Burgess, a former OB/GYN. “There is no question in my mind that a baby at 20 weeks after conception can feel pain. The fact of the matter is, I argue with the chairman because I thought the date was far too late. We should be setting this at 15 weeks, 16 weeks.”

“Watch a sonogram of a 15-week baby, and they have movements that are purposeful,” Burgess continued. “They stroke their face. If they’re a male baby, they may have their hand between their legs. If they feel pleasure, why is it so hard to think that they could feel pain?”

It sounds like a reasonable argument. Or, um, it would if it were actually true. The earliest recorded incident of what scientists believe may have been a fetus masturbating in utero was at 32 weeks. One would think that a doctor who had actually observed this happening well before then would have been so excited by his finding that he would have published it somewhere. Or, that if it were as common as he says it is, that someone else would have. Something like that would be considered very important and worthy of further study.

Approximately 88% of abortions occur within the first trimester (before 12 weeks), and later term abortions are very rare, but they are legal because they are, more often than not, for medically necessary reasons. It could be the health of the mother or the fact that the child would be born brain dead and couldn’t survive out of the womb. It is not simply because the woman was lazy and kept putting off getting the abortion like so much laundry, or because she was fickle and just decided she didn’t want to have the child after all.

Predictably, this 20-week ban proposal includes no provisions for the life of the mother or the viability of the fetus, because, apparently, these dudes just have a mega-boner for the idea of a woman dying in childbirth or being forced to go through labor for a child that will not survive more than an hour or who would never be able to leave the hospital.

Follow @RobynElyse