News

In Germany, the piss wars have begun

Locals are fed up with rampant public urination for some reason.
By: Jordan Freiman / March 4, 2015

Man dies at desk, coworkers don’t notice for two days

"People thought he wanted to work in peace and no-one disturbed him," explained one anonymous official.
By: Joe Veix / March 4, 2015

Octopus tries to escape tank, scares the crap out of some kids

Maybe it saw a crab in a nearby tank.
By: Maggie Serota / March 4, 2015

Sister shot in butt over penis birthday cake

A simple "no thank you" would have sufficed.
By: Jordan Freiman / March 4, 2015

Supreme Court hears latest bullshit argument on Obamacare

Conservatives to poor, uninsured: Fuck off and die.
By: Drew Salisbury / March 4, 2015

Woman files for divorce because husband’s penis ‘too much to bear’

Throughout the court proceedings, the husband seemed pretty cool with the size of his humongous dick becoming a matter of public record.
By: Maggie Serota / March 4, 2015

Oprah to fire 180 employees, shut down Chicago office

180 people get to find a new job come December. Merry Christmas!
By: Jordan Freiman / March 4, 2015

LAPD chief claims homeless man was reaching for officer’s gun

Chief Charlie Beck presented the evidence at a press conference on Monday.
By: Jordan Freiman / March 4, 2015

Rare goblin shark found in Australia

It wasn't nicknamed "the alien of the deep" for its good looks.
By: Maggie Serota / March 4, 2015

Ben & Jerry support making weed ice cream

"Makes sense to me,” Cohen said, without skipping a beat. "Combine your pleasures."…
By: Joe Veix / March 4, 2015

Mexican drug lord brought down by chocolate cake

Forget death, this is incarceration by chocolate.
By: Regina Bresler / March 3, 2015

Suge Knight is going blind, blames jail

After over a month in jail, Suge Knight claims a loss in vision and disorientation.
By: Regina Bresler / March 3, 2015

Shocker: Ferguson civil rights probe finds evidence of racism

File under: news that is actually not shocking.
By: Drew Salisbury / March 3, 2015

Cosby accuser forced to rub oatmeal on face, ‘act like a queen’

Cosby "told me to convince him that I could remain regal and queenlike no matter what I looked like," recalled Patricia.
By: Maggie Serota / March 3, 2015

High school teachers who fucked students on the beach also gave them coke

It turns out that, not only were 38-year-old Melody Lippert (mugshot, left) and 30-year-old Michelle Ghirelli (right) booked for unlawful sexual conduct, but the extra-curricular enthusiasts are also facing drug charges.
By: Brian Abrams / March 3, 2015

ISIS threatens Twitter with death over closed accounts

Extremist group sick of having to come up with new clever handles.
By: Drew Salisbury / March 3, 2015

Scientists measured 15,000 penises and determined the average size

A new study has calculated the "average" size for a penis by measuring 15,000 appendages around the world.
By: Business Insider / March 3, 2015

Walmart customer arrested for jacking off

When police arrived, Bryant had admitted that he "had a problem with sticking his hands in his pants." Or perhaps he had no problem at all?
By: Brian Abrams / March 3, 2015

Man almost eats caterpillar squirming in his cheeseburger

The man took video of his wiggly little buddy, presumably after he got done dry-heaving.
By: Maggie Serota / March 3, 2015
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